The Illegal Substitution Penalty

Contributed by:
Ron Klopfenstein
men's life director

If you are a football fan (and if you aren’t I would submit you should be!) then you are aware of a penalty that is occasionally flagged called illegal substitution. I must admit that when this penalty is called it always seems like it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. As parents, and specifically men, we can be very guilty of just such a penalty. Only the consequences of repeated substitutions can be much more severe than in a football game. What I mean is this.

Often as men we are task oriented, goal driven, to-do-list-focused people nearly 24/7. This can easily result in working long hours, staying focused only on the things we are good at, and a black and white view of nearly everything. What’s more, we convince ourselves that we are doing this in the best interest of those we love. The trouble is, life is not black and white. Relationships can be messy and challenging, and often the things our family needs from us lie outside the realm of what we are good at.

In the name of providing for our family, we take on extra work or seek to climb the corporate ladder at the expense of spending time with our kids or our spouse. We volunteer at things to keep busy and make ourselves feel better about an excessive focus on material things. We coach our kid’s sports teams so we can show them how great we were in “the day”. We teach junior achievement so we can avoid conflict with our own kids at home. We buy our wives nice things instead of spending focused time with them. The list could go on and on, but these are all examples of “illegal substitutions”. The long term result of this behavior is a distance from our kids, a lack of closeness and passion with our spouse and an empty feeling of regret.

Now I don’t mean that we should not volunteer or coach or never buy our wife something nice (definitely a good idea from time to time!!). I do mean that sometimes what we need to do is take stock of our priorities, our patterns of behavior, and take a good long look at where they are taking us. We cannot possibly be the effective leaders God wants us to be by relying only on our own strengths, skills and abilities. We need times of instruction in God’s word with other men. We need accountability with other men and we need interaction with other men that are walking down the same road we’re on. Sometimes we just need to be pushed out of our comfort zone and be stretched.

Coming at the end of April is one such opportunity in the form of Pathway’s Men’s Retreat “The Complete Man”. This event will take place right at Pathway on Friday night, April 29th, through Saturday, April 30th, until around 2 pm. Being a complete man is more than just being a provider or a good husband or a good father. God wants our hearts first and foremost. We will have some great times of worship, focused times in God’s word from our speaker Matt Heard, some times to sit around and interact with other men and some time to relax and have fun.

I believe God is going to use this time to help us as men to be more effective in our relationships at home, at work and at play. I would strongly encourage you to clear your calendar for this event and avoid an illegal substitution penalty that weekend! Sign up at the Men’s Kiosk or at Pathwaycommunity.org. See you there!